So I'm still working on the design for this particular blog...so if you notice it looks a little different this time it's because I'm still playing with the formatting.
This last week was a tough one to say the least. Some weeks I'm confident in my decision to work full time and keep all three kids in daycare. Other weeks I know I'm doing something wrong...
I work 36 hours a week for a small construction company as the contract administrator. When you take into account what I pay for childcare, after taxes and health insurance I bring home a whopping $8.00 a month...yes, I did say MONTH (it's not a typo)! After weeks like this I just have to ask myself why?
The week started on the wrong foot when I woke up Monday with very little voice. By Tuesday, not only did I feel like crap, but my three-year old couldn't hear me yelling at her to put her shoes on. Jeff finally made me go to the doctor since I've been fighting what I insisted was allergies for more than two weeks. Result? Bronchitis and a sinus infection for which I needed over $80 worth of prescriptions. Part of the money pulled from my paycheck each week for health insurance goes to an HSA account...unfortunately, it takes one to two weeks for it to actually be available for me to use. (We're still paying off medical bills for when the twins were in the NICU, so money doesn't stay in the account long since we get "reminder" notices weekly-at a minimum). Needless to say, paying for the prescriptions was a pain (to put it politely). Luckily some prescription cough medicine induced sleep has me feeling a little better now.
I find it's always when I feel the worst that the kids are the most difficult. They must be able to smell weakness. Sully and Finley are both teething. In fact, Finley's first tooth finally broke the surface this week (YAY FINNEY!). The only problem with this is that, like their older sister, they both get ear infections fairly frequently. It's been hard to tell if they're pulling on their ears because they hurt or because they just have ears. Throw in the normal fussiness of teething and we're constantly on the fence considering a trip to the doctor. This particular week we added in a day of pasty poop and a blistery red bottom (aka "monkey butt") so I gave in and hauled them both in to the pediatrician's office. Result? Nothing! Finley might have had a little GI issue causing the pasty poops. The doc suggested that I keep them both home the following day because Finley was pooping and Sully might poop. Now why would I keep my kid home-what are the actual symptoms? Is she throwing up? Nope. Does she have diarrhea? Nope. Is she refusing to eat? Nope-eating like a little horse. Is she acting sick? Nope. Does she have a fever? Nope. And why in the world would I keep Sully home because he "might" get what his sister has. If I were to use that logic I might as well never leave the house again!
Work is definitely work. Some days I love my job while others I...don't. I miss my kids when I'm at work and when I take time off I worry about all the stuff piling up on my desk. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing both jobs half-ass. I'm typically an all or nothing kind of girl. I'm not sure it's fair to anyone.
Once again I find myself torn between continuing as a full time working mom and staying home. There are so many pros and cons to each choice. They say the grass is always greener on the other side-in my case, I wonder if it really is...